But just barely. It’s not appropriate to subject everyone, anyone in the public, to such a level of whining so I didn’t write the latest news: wait till next week till you can even think of getting out of here, motherfucker (man, those nurses can swear). God, that made (made?) me depressed, as in you have to prefix it with “so fucking” each time. I want to go home. My body wants to go home. I want to be with my wife again and go out for pizza. Go out for pasta. Go shopping at Aeon or fucking anywhere as long as I’m with my wife. This is what I would’ve written a few hours back with again a lot more “fucking” added to it, and a lot more “I’m at my limit” and “my body wants this so much (I don’t know how many “fuckings” I’d have to add to that).” It’s a howl of it’ll take me a week longer to get home (at the earliest, don’t forget that knife twist), of frustrated expectations. And kind of insulting to all the legitimate howls out there. After all, it’s not like I have cancer or anything.
Oh right I do.
Maybe that’s it. It’s all cancer related, ol Pennydreadful casting his long dark fingers out from my liver and tickling over my stomach and my gall bladder, the doctors draining the damage he did, trying to keep up. But the lingering touch remains, keeping me here and the motherfucker’s laughing at me for it.
Yeah, that sounds pretty good, worth howling about.
“Motherfucking Pennydreadful!”
Pennydreadful, with sickle moon smile on.
“You’re chapters way too early. Let me be a good chap and point out you’re simply not ready yet. You’re not in the Darkbackwards now and you’re not Jake, you’re just the writer.”
Right. Not the cancer then. Then what do I have? Guess I have to fall back on I wanna go home mommy!
There will be no howl post today.
I'm sorry you have to stay longer... I can only imagine how frustratingly frustrating it is, especially having had the carrot of going home dangling in front of you for a while. It is not a nice feeling to be stuck, but I am glad, through your totally legitimate and worthy howls, that you are finding shards of calmness here and there, and appreciating there appearance.
ReplyDeleteAw crap, this sucks. Wonder what they are so concerned about that they can't release you?
ReplyDeleteYeah, it completely sucks. I was so depressed when Clumsy sensei first slipped in the news. She seemed to be concerned about the hole in my side, the one after the first procedure when they were draining my abdominal cavity. When Y sensei appeared, the news was better or I should say more complete. There still is a chance of getting out this week, but a lot of things have to go my way first. Now about that hole, it appears they are thinking of stitching it up. Nervous about that, getting a shot in my side (they better give me a shot) but if it gets me out sooner stitch me the fuck up. Please.
ReplyDeleteYuck. Well, if it gets you out faster...
ReplyDeleteI saw Unabomber yesterday. He was sitting on a wall in front of some apts. behind Bristol Farms, talking to himself. Navy hoodie, and the requisite baseball cap.
Unabomber guy! there is something reassuring about that. That guy just keeps on going. Amazing.
ReplyDelete