Failed

Three days in a row now I have failed to reach my writing quota. Or that third day was me at a miserable 2,000 instead of my majestic 4s or even 5s. That's in thousand folks, so you should really be impressed. But now I guess this is a headstart, starting around six and all. 

Yesterday I was up at 5:00. Well, I was up at 11:30, up at 1:00 at 2:30 at 2:30 at 3:00. It wasn't a good night. But last night was one very small good night. And now it’s like six hours later, maybe even plus. I slept after writing you, after it had creeped past 12:00, dozing off even then, and then I just went out for four hours. Four hours straight, not even fully reclined but fully zonked out. I never even did that on my reclining chair back home. But then I have somewhere for my feet. The bed, my Paramount bed (angel choir) holds me completely. But it is this Paramount bed (angel choir) that will become my prison if it isn’t partially already. It saved my feet, it allows me to write to sleep to eat, but it is also not my bed, our bed, whose air mattress we just bought and I want to sleep on, whose dimensions I want to share with my wife and see the new screen she installed and the curtains. I want to go home, in other words, and this day by day, drag by drag is starting to get to me. Another two, another three weeks? Is that what it’s going to take to get out of here? I will miss being able to walk without having to go down and up a flight of stairs and my walker which makes life easier, hell possible. Of course I have no where to go but more hospital and in the final analysis, that’s a good a reason for wanting out as any.

Later...

I talked to Clumsy Sensei and the basic deal is, once the cavity shrinks to nothing. Then I get out. Once nothing returns to nothing, as I have brilliantly stated before. And how long will that take? Please cavity, once you shrink for me? For life? For wanting to live?

And wait and wait and wait...