Hospital, again

Now with new tubes in me. You can’t imagine the excitement.

It started yesterday when I kept on vomiting a heap of green stuff into a plastic bag. Actually it started the night before, felt sick after eating, even swallowed back a bit of vomit, but the real vomitous surge did not hit till yesterday and it kept on hitting till I vomited the last (maybe) of Wednesday night’s meal, the last damn thing I ate. Yesterday was bad. I had to get off Skype with my brother basically to start the vomiting parade. Then I went to lie down until the nausea hit again with the complementary pressure in my gut. Then I would sit up and burp and spit and vomit a little but the nausea wouldn’t go away. It never went away until I gave in and vomited massively till I was left sweating and shaking. This is how it went time after time. My wife and I kind of knew I’d end up in the hospital today. My wife really wanted to go last night, she was so worried. I was too nauseas to be worried. All I thought about was ending the damn thing (ending what?). 

A side note and very sad thing about my character… if I had to choose between that nauseas/vomitous state and death I’d probably choose death. If had… let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

Anyway, today. Got my blood test and despite my fears that because of my dehydration the blood wouldn’t flow (this has happened before) one little prick was all it took. Then after that we went downstairs for my draining. It was in the X-ray room. The idea was they were going to find the spot, mark it, and begin the stabbing. It didn’t go like that. He took one look at the X-ray ordered a CAT scan to find out more about this obstruction. 

Obstruction, what?

Well, first I had to get the CAT scan, or rather get my power port poked to empty the medicine into me that will turn up the heat on my insides and what do you know, she got it on the first try. Then I was CAT scanned, returned to the second floor (did I mention because I was too weak to weak the long corridors, my wife toted me around in a wheel chair again, that means she was pushing me back and forth and up and down so many times) where after a bit of a wait, Y-sensei told me there was an obstruction and it was probably from the cancer. And if that wasn’t fun enough, here’s the procedure for relieving the pressure and getting rid of all that bad shite in my guts (gall bladder and apparently my lower intestine, it was all a whirlwind of examination and procedure): they were going to stick a tube down my nose until it reached my lower intestine. What? Say that again? No, don't say that again, don't ever say that again. Can we go back to the original plan now?

Of course, it hurt, was terribly uncomfortable and remains that way now. Will remain that way until the operation that will do something to my intestines that will help me in some sort of way. Seriously that’s about all I know about it, that, and it will be a real operation with general anesthetic. Right, my operation, they kind of just tacked on that bit of information. Things are so wrong with me that sticking a tube down my nose isn't enough? Well, general anesthetic. Yay. Put on the mask and I go out. Double yay. Because let me tell you, it is no fun being awake when they jam a tube up your nostrils. Yeah, both of them, the first one was too narrow hurt too much. I mean there was the local anesthetic of some kind of jelly, but no… just no. I don't even want to think about it. It was like they were trying to crack into me... The second nostril went smoother, but that’s not to say it was a smooth ride: it hurt often but not in that crack me open sense, and of course the discomfort, the remaining bit of it being the tube in my throat. Still in my throat. Persistently in my throat.

So let’s recap: until yesterday I was pretty healthy and Friday was going to be another hospital day, albeit with the stabbing and the draining, but only on an outpatient basis. I was getting ready to see my family who are coming to visit and planning the few places we would go to. Today I am lying in a hospital bed with a tube coming out of my nose (it empties into a bag I have stashed at the bottom of the IV stand, very much like my old shit bag of yore), that is also making me very uncomfortable in the throat. I am going to be here for God knows how long with an operation that can’t come too soon (that’s when they will remove all this malarky), and now they are floating the very real possibility of cancer being involved in my guts again. I am worn out, alone, afraid.

Time for some self-pity. I am in a single person room (only one available, will have to pay for it, 5,000 yen a day), my wife left for work hours ago, the isolation is complete. What better thing to do right now?