Practically all I want these days. That taste has replaced the Whopper as my ultimate crave. Hey, luckily I can have it, but smaller than the real gulp-sized amounts I want to throw down my throat. This is what I did today. Throw it down my throat. I’m not supposed to do that. But the worst of it seems to be I throw up a little water and my tube runs faster with the water. Oh yeah I also got my vitamin C IV drip for the third time at this place. Results? Beat me. Don’t feel any genkier, any bit healthier, I’m just exhausted from all the everything that is not sleep. But my wife, eep, I think the stress of all this work before her work, today it really got to her. Didn’t help we were late in getting back, didn’t help I fell again because I didn’t follow instructions properly. After helping me to my bedroom door, she gave me my small popsicle, my water, and cellphone and hurried to work. Some people might think it cruel, I think this is the flip side to all the things she does, many which are in the background to what I see everyday. She came back from work to help me back up, and that’s why I’m writing right now, then she returned, because there’s a lot she has to complete. That’s where she is right now.
And the biggest insult is I’m thinking of giving up. Everything exhausts me, I don’t think about my story much any more (Jake!), the substance I dream about consuming is water rather than a Whopper as I think I might have said, and I fear going up and down those stairs. I mean I came up here to die, basically, before all this hope stuff set in. But then again, I’m writing this blog post I couldn’t have done in the hospital.
That’s got to count for something, right?
Be very careful on those stairs! They are dangerous on a good day. When my dad had cancer, I had to get him up and down the stairs twice a week to take him for radiation treatments. He had a walker too, since he was so weak. It was so hard for him, he had lung cancer and couldn't catch his breath. One slow step at a time. Eventually, he collapsed one time and ended up back in the hospital. Please, don't go out if don't have to/want to.
ReplyDeleteOn a positive note, you have a visit from Mark to look forward to very soon, so try to focus on that as much as possible :)
Hi, Harvey -
ReplyDeleteYes, it does! You never know what will happen once those treatments really start taking effect! Don't get discouraged--we all want to read the whole novel.
Love, M and Cats